I am from CALIFORNIA which means...

-Everyone hates cops.

-Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours.

- I say "like" and "for sure" and "siiick" and "dude" and "totally" and
"peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "holla" and "hella"(Nor
Cal only) and gnarly (So Cal only) and "faded" and "stoked" and "fo sho" and
I say them often.

- I know what real cheese & avocados taste like.

-All the porn you watch is made here, cause we f*** better and thats how it
is.

- I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe,
Shasta, and Big Bear.

 

- I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore".

- I know 65 mph really means 100.

- When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed
chase cause we dont f*** around on the road.

- The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live
close enough to the border).

-You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where
you're from, you give your area code.

- I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state,
but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD.

- We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"
No cop no stop baby!

- I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

- All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

-We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden
State.....GOLDEN!!!

- We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

- I have the most representation in the House of Representatives.

- The best athletes come from Cali.

-Every good band comes from Cali.

-We call it soda, not pop.

-We have 3 NFL teams..Raiders, 49er's, Chargers.

-Other countries hate the united states but they love us.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and
women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads
to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just
love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went
to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried
on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just
buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,
"Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine,
honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think
this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,
I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for
the
things
I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least
that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Alright girls. Forward this on if you agree. Hell even if you
disagree, forward it on.

California  Laws

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.

Bathhouses are against the law.

In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Arcadia
Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.

Alhambra
You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.

Baldwin Park
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

Belvedere
City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

Blythe
You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

Burlingame
It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

Carmel
Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)

Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.

Chico
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

Downey
It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).

Hollywood
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

Lafayette
You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.

Lodi
It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".

Lompoc
It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.

Long Beach
It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.

Los Angeles
Toads may not be licked.

You may not hunt moths under a street light.

It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison.

You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

Zoot suits are prohibited.

It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.

It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.

Ontario
Roosters may not crow in the city limits.

Pacific Grove
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.

Palm Springs
It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.

Pasadena
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.

Prunedale
Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.

Redlands
Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.

Riverside
One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.

San Diego
The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.

It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

San Francisco
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.

Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.

It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

San Jose
It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595

Santa Monica
You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.

Temecula
Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.